Friendship.....

So this is just something I need to let out before I let it consume me.

I had this friend who I was really good friends with. I infact considered her to be my best friend at a point in my life. I shared everything with her, called her late at night when I needed advice and loved her to death. We were such good friends for 4 years. I miss our karaoke nights, trips to vegas, trips to cali, trips to az. But it is all gone. because then the time came where I knew when she was lying to me. I knew that she was probably saying things behind my back because I have seen her do it to other friends. She started being kinda snotty. Like if it wasnt her way no one was happy. And me being the only child and ALWAYS getting what I wanted had a difficult time with that. But I ALWAYS tried my hardest to keep her happy. I pretended like she was always right when i knew that she was wrong at times. I was always there for her during her hard times and happy times. And she was always there for me ALWAYS! I could always count on her and thats what makes this difficult. Back in 2009 everything was going great and then came a day where she didnt agree with something that I was wanting to do. But I am my own person and I do what makes me happy. Well she voiced her opinion and didnt stop there. She said rude things and I mean RUDE. I wont go into detail because it involves things in my past that I dont want the whole world knowing about. She did it on purpose whether it was suppose to be a joke or not. It was not a funny thing and I would NEVER in my life do or say the things she did. I was PISSED OFF! How could my friend, My best friend do that to me. She apologized a day or 2 later and I was still so mad. This broke my heart and I could not let it go so easily. weeks turned into months and she would be so childish and do things that I may have done in high school. I was sick of it. and did not want her friendship if she was going to act like that. So I stopped talking to her.
In 2010 a couple of days after Konner's diagnoses I was hit with a bag of emotions and I missed her. I reached out to her and she wanted none of it. But now I tried again. I miss her friendship at times. Like having someone who knows everything i've been through who i've shared everything with. I miss the old her. And she once again was being someone who I never knew. She has shown her true colors. SO LET IT BE.
I am mourning her loss as though she has died. And I am a complete mess. The friend I once knew is no longer the person who's friendship I wish for. I have friends and I have great ones who do not say things to hurt me on purpose. I LOVE all my friends with All my heart. I cherish all your friends ships and All you have done for me. If I have ever taken your friendship for granted I am sorry. I love you guys.



"Sometimes the only thing left to say is goodbye."