Faith and hope

I have two special woman in my life who I look up to and who I strive to be like. My mom and my grandma. 

My grandma is like my second mom. Her and my grandpa help raise me and for that alone I will be FOREVER Thankful! I love them and have such a strong bond with them both. I am blessed with so many good memories with them and will cherish them forever. My grandma is such a strong, loving, admirable, confident, faithful women. Her strength amazes me. Recently my grandma has been really sick and the doctors just gave us some hard news. She has stage 4 adenocarcinoma of an unknown primary. This is not a good thing to have because they don't know where the cancer has started. It's so advanced and she is really sick. They have told us she may not make it through the next week in which she will have 5 rounds of radiation to help stabilize her neck where there is a tumor. After the radiation they will send her home on hospice. They said she has anywhere from 1 week -1 month. My grandma being the amazingly strong lady she is told them she is a fighter and she isn't going anywhere. 

I know I have to be strong, not only for her but for my grandpa. I don't want her to see me being weak and crying. Yet it's so hard to know that I will not have her in my life for much longer. I know death is apart of life but I don't handle death well at all. I can't picture my life without her here. My heart hurts for her. It hurts to know that she is laying there in a bed and she knows that she is dying. 2 weeks ago she went to the hospital after back and forth doctors visits because her neck was hurting and her doctors just kept. Sending her home saying it was nothing. 5 weeks of them telling her to take pain meds for a sprain. When it was really a tumor that had fractured her vertebra! 

I hate cancer! I hate that it keeps coming into my life. I hate what it does to those I love! How it slowly kills you and drains the life out of you. 

I don't want my grandma to suffer like she was 2 weeks ago. I want her to be happy and to enjoy the rest of her life. I want her to know how important she is to me and how much I love her. How I will think of her everyday. 

It's that time of year....

Sickness

Cold

Snow

Holidays

It had been super cold here in NM. 3 members of our family have been sick. Started with kayben, poor guy has the WORST cough!! The. On to me and it was more my sinus'. Now my poor konner, he has been throwing up all morning and is just feeling crappy. 

I hope we get over it in time for Christmas! Kyesun and kayben have Christmas parties in school the rest of this week. Like seriously Kyesun is having 3 parties, it's crazy!! We have been doing good otherwise. 

Kayben and konner built an awesome snowman last week. 

Kyesun and kayben had a luminaire walk at school and we decorated a bag in honor of konner and also in honor of my friend Tanya! It's was truly heartwarming! 

We added a new member to our family! His name is Sousa and he actually grew up with our other dog Quita! He is Kyesun pal. He loves Kyesun!! 

Do you see the way he lays on the floor in the above picture? I seriously dig it!! He is such a great dog. We love him and our Quita girl! 

I went to the justin timberlake concert at the beginning of this month and it was blast!! He rocked it and I would totally follow him on your if I was A: poor and B: a mommy and wife lol. 

While we were there in az I took the boys to the zoo lights and to the zoo the next day to see the animals. They had such a great time and so did i. What is it about looking at wild animals held in cages?!