Faith and hope

I have two special woman in my life who I look up to and who I strive to be like. My mom and my grandma. 

My grandma is like my second mom. Her and my grandpa help raise me and for that alone I will be FOREVER Thankful! I love them and have such a strong bond with them both. I am blessed with so many good memories with them and will cherish them forever. My grandma is such a strong, loving, admirable, confident, faithful women. Her strength amazes me. Recently my grandma has been really sick and the doctors just gave us some hard news. She has stage 4 adenocarcinoma of an unknown primary. This is not a good thing to have because they don't know where the cancer has started. It's so advanced and she is really sick. They have told us she may not make it through the next week in which she will have 5 rounds of radiation to help stabilize her neck where there is a tumor. After the radiation they will send her home on hospice. They said she has anywhere from 1 week -1 month. My grandma being the amazingly strong lady she is told them she is a fighter and she isn't going anywhere. 

I know I have to be strong, not only for her but for my grandpa. I don't want her to see me being weak and crying. Yet it's so hard to know that I will not have her in my life for much longer. I know death is apart of life but I don't handle death well at all. I can't picture my life without her here. My heart hurts for her. It hurts to know that she is laying there in a bed and she knows that she is dying. 2 weeks ago she went to the hospital after back and forth doctors visits because her neck was hurting and her doctors just kept. Sending her home saying it was nothing. 5 weeks of them telling her to take pain meds for a sprain. When it was really a tumor that had fractured her vertebra! 

I hate cancer! I hate that it keeps coming into my life. I hate what it does to those I love! How it slowly kills you and drains the life out of you. 

I don't want my grandma to suffer like she was 2 weeks ago. I want her to be happy and to enjoy the rest of her life. I want her to know how important she is to me and how much I love her. How I will think of her everyday.